Maxerica - 2017
by CrazzzyGenevieve
Summary: Maxerica in 2017 :0
1. Chapter I

Here's to never growing up ~

{ **I recommend listening to the song in night core, on repeat, while reading this** }

[ **dont be mad if I get something wrong. I will be changing things. ]**

 **Do Not Read If You Don't Like Swearing!**

 **America.**

I begin to pick up the pace, downing shot after shot. We're at Celeste's party because... Because... I forgot, okay? I let out a scream of victory as I realise Marlee still has to 2 shots left. Hah. Turning around, I'm met with yet sight of Kriss and Maxon, high school sweethearts, pressed against a wall in a heated make-out session. Maxon's my ex - I think. Oh yeah! He cheated on me with Kriss. I don't care about him, anymore, though - he doesn't care about me so I might as well give him the same treatment. The next think I know, the music is turned up and everyone is dancing, pressed closely together. All except from me, I'm dancing on what, previously, was the drinks table. I still have a drink in my hand, it's raised in the air and every so often, it spills slightly. I don't even know what I'm drinking but it's getting me drunk so it's fine. In the corner, I notice someone recording me so I make my dancing more... More... Feminine? My hips rotate in a fashion that isn't so innocent. I'm in high waisted shorts that cut off mid way through my thigh and a shirt that exposes my stomach as well as my nonexistent cleavage. My hair falls around me and I feel beautiful, like the life of the party. When I lose my footing and tumble to the floor, I lay there, laughing as people laugh at me.

"Here's to never growing up!" I yell as loud as I can, lifting my left arm into the air. I receive a cheer from the rest of the crowd. Soon, I find myself somewhere or another, getting another drink. Then another.

"10!"

"9!"

"8!"

Oh yeah, it's new year.

"3!"

"2!"

"1!"

"Happy New Year!" So it's January 1st? Isn't that my birthday? Yeah it is. I didn't tell them though so I'm all good. The only person who knows is Maxon but he's still sucking faces with Kriss. I grab a glass bottle, that's full, and get out of the house, running out of the house and running down the street.

"Kiss my Ass!" I yell, laughing and stopping somewhere near a lamppost. Yeah, I still live like this. Glancing behind me, the person with the camera from earlier is following me, recording me.

"Fuck you society!" I take a gulp from the bottle and stick my middle finger up at all the houses. That's when I realise a person has their head out the window, a phone pressed to their ear. Police. Big fuck. I laugh and run again, starting through back alleys I memorised. And everything goes black.

Now I'm in unfamiliar surroundings. Was I arrested? I was arrested.

"Young lady." I snap my head up at the police officer looking at me through bars. "We need to call you parents so they can take you home."

"I'll have you know that both of my parents are dead and I live in my own apartment." I reply, my voice has a sharp edge to it and my head pounds.

"What's your address?"

"{insert Address}"

"We'll let you off this time but if we catch you again they'll be a fine." I internally groan as they get me home. When I walk in, it's freezing so I begin to turn the heating on. Sluggishly, I limp to my bedroom but when I open the door, I see a naked boy from a class. I think I came home then went back out.. Did I sleep with someone? Again? For fuck sake America. I stumble over and shake their shoulder. The face I'm met with surprises me the most. Maxon?

"Hmm?" He opens his eyes and as soon as he does, they turn as wide as dinner plates. "I thought you were Kriss?"

"I'm very much not Kriss." I say her name with the nicest tone I can muster. Me and Maxon never did 'it' when we were together. Almost. But not all the way.

"All I know is me and Kriss are trying for kids and we're trying to find a place to.. Yeah."

"SO YOU-- NO-- WAIT--" I yell. I come from a family of 5. I would assume it's easier for me to get pregnant. So..? "Fuck.. Can you leave? I want to spend my 19th birthday with someone who doesn't mistake me for someone else."

"When I was suspicious because Kriss was never that good in be--"

"Go. Just go." I have to fight a smile that tugging at my lips.

And that was how it started.


	2. Chapter II

**Don't read if you don't like swearing.**

 **I will slightly change how the characters act and if you don't like that, I suggest you don't read.**

 _5 Years Later_

 _ **America.**_

I thought it was an innocent thing: a high school reunion with all family invited. And it was, I guess. We all give each other hugs as we smile, enjoying each other's company. I had a baby sitter take _my kids_ for an hour and as soon as it was over, I had to take them to the reunion. So I walk back in, both of my twins holding both of my hands. We end up settling on a sofa towards the back of the room, politely smiling at everyone. Eadlyn, the female twin, sits on my lap and Ahren, the male twin, holds my hand. They're barely 5 years old, being born on the 4th September and it being the 14th September at the moment. As I play with the twins, making them laugh, Maxon strolls over with Kriss on his hip.

"America, it's very nice of you to baby sit b--"

"I'm not baby sitting," I smile. "They're mine."

"Oh." Is that all he has to say? All of a sudden, I am aware of the judging eyes watching my every move. His eyes have a glint of sorrow in them and he does well to hide it. "Well it's nice to see you."

"You too." We stare for a moment before Jriss detaches herself, spotting a friend and rushing over to greet them.

"So.. Who's the--"

"No, please don't. I don't want anyone prying into my life and taking away the only people that make it good."

"I was only asking--"

"I know and he forgot about me, okay? He doesn't even know _they_ exist." I gently bounce Eadlyn, keeping her quiet: Ahren's eyes are elsewhere, looking at the displays. "He loves someone else."

"Oh.. Well you deserve better than him." He gives a reassuring smile. How blind is he to have himself described to him and not realise it? How can he not see his mother in Eady? Or himself in Ahren? I'll never know because those faces haunt me when I look at them.

"Do you still love him?"

"Sto--"

"Answer the question." I'm about to open my mouth to speak when my 5 year old daughter cuts me off.

"Mummy says that she loves somebody called Maxon," she looks over to me, as if to confirm what she was saying. Wait -- no. "She also says that he's mine and Ahren's Daddy!" She looks happy and curious but it's the kind of look that only comes on a young child's face. "Do you know him?" I'm a bundle of nerves and can't bring myself to speak. Before Maxon can even react, I stood up, placing Eady on the ground.

"We have some places to be--"

"No we do--"

"If you need to contact me, ask one of the others for my info." I force a smile onto my face and we begin to walk away, back home.

When we get home, it's around 4PM so I sit the kids on the couch and put on a cartoon. I cook them dinner and we sit as a family, on the sofa. I don't have food because it would be a waste: I can't get work and I'm barely getting by. But I refuse to give up on my family, as I have almost done before. I'm exhausted and, with no doubt, I can guess that my eyes are swollen. I stay awake, though, so I can see my lovelies and leave them to watch cartoons while I clean up, my stomach growling in irritation. Before I know it, it's 7pm, the kids' bedtime.

"Ahren! Eady! Come to your room, it's bedtime," my throat aches as I raise my voice but they come, knowing the routine. They both clamber into bed, smiling.

"I'll read you a story tomorrow.. Mummy's too tired right now,"

"Okay," Ahren says quietly followed by a chorus of 'I love you'. I kiss their foreheads and leave the room, making my way to sofa, where I sleep. The silent sound of loneliness follows me to bed and as I lay, eyes closed, I hope that when I fall to sleep, I'll never wake.


	3. Chapter III

Trigger warnings in this Chapter: selfharm, eating disorders.

~ SoRrY iF i'M nOt WhAt YoU wAnT mE tO bE~

The following morning, I awake cold and am empty feeling heaves at my lungs. The heel of my hand swipes over my eyelid, trying to wipe away the want to go back to sleep - it's a useless action in the long run but it comes naturally. Swinging my legs over the side of the sofa, moving to the kitchen to a pile of clothes, picking up jeans and a shirt stained with paint. With ease, I pull the shirt on and as I get the jeans on, I realise that they're too loose around my waist and hang off me as if I were a layer of skin and bone. I sigh,adjusting the elastic waistband to the smallest it can be. Quickly, I brush my hair up into a ponytail and click my back, getting rid of any ache that was there. That's when the house phone rings and I rush to answer it.

"Hello?" I ask desperately. "This is America's number, who is this?"

"Maxon.." The voice breathes. "I've-- I'm- I wanted to say sorry,"

"Oh. It's okay."

"I was wondering if I could come over--"

"If you need but be aware, I won't be able to give you anything to eat,"

"Okay-- wait why? America," he says seriously. "when was the last time you ate a full meal or anything at all?"

"Uh. 2.. Maybe 3 days ago?" A muttered 'fuck' comes through the phone.

"I'm on my way, now. I got your address from Marlee." Minutes later, he arrives bearing a sympathetic smile, I press my finger to my lips, telling him to be quiet.

"Eadlyn and Ahren are asleep.." My voice is a low whisper and looking now, I realise that his pockets are full and he has a backpack hanging off his shoulder. "What's all this about?" He sees that I'm eyeing the bag.

"For you, food." He takes off the pack and holds it out for me. I take it with open hands and let him in, closing the door behind him.

"America, I want to have a serious conversation with you about the kids.."

"Hm? I'm listening,"

"Now.. The question that's been haunting me all night.. Are they mine?"

My throat tightens and my eyes well up with tears, I dip my head in responce, ashamed of myself. With that his arms wrap around my fragile frame, enveloping me in the warmth I longed for at night. "Why didn't you tell me..?"

"You-- you're with Kriss!" I whisper in sharp words, trying not to let my voice waver and have some authority.

"Not anymore, she left this morning," with those words spoken, I want to loose myself in his eyes and return to my youth when I would worry about petty things.

"I'm so sorry," I pause. "For everything.."

"It's okay, my dear," I pull back slightly to gently hit his chest, only to bring a smile to his face. "From now on, I'm staying to support you and _our_ children, to make sure we have a good life,"

Later that day, we have a meal, I barely touched it because I was full immediately but Eadlyn and Ahren relished the thought of having as much as they wanted.

"Eady, Ahren," I say, while we're all at the table, including Maxon. "This is your daddy," I motion towards him and glance back at them, waiting for some kind of outburst. Instead, smiles blossom from their mouths.

From that day on, everything got better: all except my eating habits. Every time I eat, I feel ill and make myself throw up, neither Maxon nor the kids know about it. I can almost touch my thumb and pointing finger together if I wrap them around my upper arm. My spine stands out against the skin of my back and I can only thank my loose clothes for hiding my body. My condition is ruining my mind, there's a constant voice that says that I need to be skinnier and that I'm too fat. I'm just being mislead to nowhere and possibly myever nearing death. Will I ever get better or will I eventually just deteriorate? Once my body has no more fat to burn, it will burn away muscle and then organ tissue.

We now live with Maxon in his house, where I have my own bedroom, so do the twins. It's a bed and a chest of drawers with a desk in the corner; it's the second biggest room in the house. I move over to my bag that resides on the desk and begin to dig inside, trying to find something. Once I finally find it, I sit back on the bed and remove the cover. I haven't done this in so long and the thought of doing it again sends a swirl of pleasure into my stomach. I begin to press it down, hard into my wrists and drag it back and forth. I feel relief as pain ripples through my arm. I do it again and again. 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and so many more. When I finally put my tool down to admire my work, I am proud to feel and see bubbles of blood forming over each and every cut. Eventually, they pour down my arm and I sneak to the bathroom, just across the hall and run my arm under the tap, effectively getting rid of the blood and making it sting more. I sit down on the bathroom and sigh, closing my eyes and letting my head droop to the side.

 **A/N**

 **This was the longest chapter yet and I hope you liked this.**

 **And I'm so desperately sorry if I'm not writing how you want this story but I'm making this a realistic situation and sure, it doesn't happen in front of you but I happened and I promise you it does.**

 **Another reason that I'm sorry is that I'm not a reliable author. I'm a shitty person and I'm thankful for people who stand up for me but I deserve all of the hate I get. Comment it. Tell me your honest opinion of me. Make me feel bad about myself. I dare you.**

 **That's all, I guess.**

 **Much Love to Someone who will never love me,**

 **Danni**


	4. Not a Chapter

I'm so Sorry for not updating, I've just been busy


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